03.01.09
Collecting the pieces
I haven’t been writing for the longest time because I was afraid to write something that does not impart to others a hopeful thought. I have been abusing and using writing to vent my frustrations in life and I thought that must stop. This world is already too burdened with people’s anger, resentment, wrath, disillusionment and I did not wish to add to the weight. But what is there to write about when everything in your world is perfect? Don’t the best love songs talk about letting-gos and breakups? Don’t the best love stories, say Erich Segal’s ‘70s classic Love Story or even that in Titanic, have sad endings?
In the past few months, though school made me busy, I have been afforded more alone times which made room for more thoughts, realizations, and emotions to run loose in my head. My rumination led me to the conclusion that most of last year wasn’t as great as I expected it to be. It’s been almost 7 months now since my mom’s demise but up to this day, the slightest remembrance of her still breaks me into pieces. It’s been almost a year now since my last relationship but I still cannot find myself openly embracing the idea of getting into another.
No matter how shitty though life has treated me lately, I cannot deny the feeling of gratitude I have towards it. I learned the best lessons in life after coming face to face with tough situations. I have come to know and appreciate happiness more after what seemed to be an endless feeling of pain. That “we’re meant to lose the people we love” might be true for “how else would we know how important they are to us?” Now, I thank every day I wake up to see Papa, my brother, even our dogs in good health. I see every good thing that happens in my life as undeserved gifts.
“For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”
Life isn’t perfect and it isn’t supposed to be! God designed it so to keep us from becoming too attached to earth. With every difficulty, sorrow and rejection I get from this world, I just bear in mind that every circumstance that happened and every one who came into my life is a culmination of who I am now. “Life is defined by its opportunities… even the ones you miss.”
oliver said,
March 9, 2009 at 12:41 am
this post is well written. naka-relate ako sobra. thanks…