07.30.08
Posted in Uncategorized at 11:54 pm by khessa
It always feels good when we are on top of things. When we
are working on things we feel are important to us, when everything goes well, when
we are in control, we feel this certain kind of high about life and we aim for
more.
It is, however, in trying times - when uncertainties cloud
our heads, and when we cannot shake off the bad happenings around us, that we
are able to make serious contemplations and get to realize life’s best lessons.
I cannot enumerate them all. The past four months of my life
had all been a roller coaster ride for me - the type when you would not really
know when and where the bends and twists are, and I had no choice but go where
the ride leads me to. But at least, I know now that it’s nearly over. I have
calmed down and I have found peace. And realizations – good ones if not yet the
best, kept pouring in, without ceasing.
I’m thankful, and always in awe at how life unfolds, at how it
never fails to surprise me. I may not be sure if I’m going to feel this high
through and through or be revisited by my favorite companion named gloom. But
at least, I know, like I always thought so but oftentimes forget, that things
can only get better. I hope that you who read this be blessed like I have been. =)
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07.20.08
Posted in Uncategorized at 11:34 pm by khessa
i suddenly felt the urge to write. if my previous blogs dwelled on my personal problems, today i’m feeling quite outraged at how this society is dwindling in terms of morality. i don’t say i’m clean but what irates me most are those few who take advantage of others because of MONEY. it’s true that we all need money but it does not justify the act of stepping on others’ toes JUST for it. i know that depravity in this society is already a fact we cannot deny. but what is more depressing is when the people you used to look up to are the very people who bring you down. shame on you!
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07.18.08
Posted in Uncategorized at 7:52 pm by khessa
"God
is good all the time."
This has been my comfort phrase for the longest time. Whenever I start to worry
over a problem, I stop myself by saying the phrase whether out loud or in my head. It’s faith enhancing and stress relieving, and the most important of all, it
has magical powers. Most of the time, those I feared would not come
and I would just find myself laughing at how faithless I had been.
Right now, I’m feeling an immense pain - that kind you feel would kill you if
it stays longer. It gives me the sting — as if there’s a sharp object often
pointed at my chest. I have been feeling this the longest that sometimes I
would ask myself if this will ever go away. Because of this, I have been
feeling quite a variation of emotions lately, making me all the more unstable
and impaired, like I’m feeling this towards something now, and another the
next. It’s the extremes oftentimes.
But I know, out of my confusion - God is sending help. It may be in the form of
friends that make me see the lighter side of life. It may be the busy work
sched or the problems in my business that helps me take my mind off my grief.
It can be the realizations being fed into my head lately (one of these is to try
to be happy despite the hurt). God is continually at work. He doesn’t tire. He
doesn’t sleep on anyone of us. And He has ways, beyond our comprehension, of
circumventing the disastrous or the more disastrous that would happen to us. If
we don’t get what we want now, it is certain that we will soon realize that it
was all for the better. God is good all the time.
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07.14.08
Posted in Uncategorized at 8:51 pm by khessa
i’m not quite a reader of the bible. but especially if feeling low, i love flipping randomly the pages and read what verse my eyes first lay sight on.
today, i read the "wedding at cana" again. i know i’ve read it before because my bible is full of highlights like all my other books but it didn’t strike a note until today.
John
Chapter 2
- 1
- On the third day there was a wedding in Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there.
- 2
- Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the wedding.
- 3
- When the wine ran short, the mother of Jesus said to him, "They have no wine."
- 4
- (And) Jesus said to her, "Woman, how does your concern affect me? My hour has not yet come."
- 5
- His mother said to the servers, "Do whatever he tells you."
- 6
- Now there were six stone water jars there for Jewish ceremonial washings, each holding twenty to thirty gallons.
- 7
- Jesus told them, "Fill the jars with water." So they filled them to the brim.
- 8
- Then he told them, "Draw some out now and take it to the headwaiter." So they took it.
- 9
-
And when the headwaiter tasted the water that had become wine, without
knowing where it came from (although the servers who had drawn the
water knew), the headwaiter called the bridegroom
- 10
-
and said to him, "Everyone serves good wine first, and then when people
have drunk freely, an inferior one; but you have kept the good wine
until now."
- 11
- Jesus did this as the beginning of his signs in Cana in Galilee and so revealed his glory, and his disciples began to believe in him..
Message:
the first time i read the above was just in passing that i thought the message of the story was plainly the fact that jesus is present in every wedding ceremony. how stupid i was! this time, his mother’s great faith in him changed my thoughts and probably my perspective in life.
i have often been too busy in the past years. and when i would have problems, unlike most people who would only remember HIM at trying times, i have this very childlike and objectionable attitude of staying away instead. i was too proud to ask for help. i would wallow over my pain, thinking that it would just soon come away, until time came that i’ve given up and sought HIS help, i couldn’t hear HIS voice anymore.
Lesson of the story:
Jesus will manifest His glory to those who believe in Him. Like Mary who did not lose faith in Him, Jesus was able to show His glory. And as Jesus changed water into wine at the wedding, He will come to us, if we invite Him, to sanctify and change our lives.
-
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07.11.08
Posted in Uncategorized at 1:50 am by khessa
Write for example, ‘The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.’
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.
To hear immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to a pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that’s certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another’s. She will be another’s. Like my kisses before.
Her voice. Her bright body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.
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07.02.08
Posted in Uncategorized at 12:06 am by khessa
Travels, especially if on business, usually do not excite
me. But I cannot deny the fact that every time I travel, I become a new person
when I get back. Every trip serves as an eye-opener, a refresher, a reminder of
what I really want in life, who I am really as a person.
For the past few months, I was going thru the daily grind –
work, school and home, feeling quite bored with life. I couldn’t concentrate in
class. I always complained about my work. I neglected my fam because I was busy
wallowing over a problem. It even reached to a point where I wanted to move out
from our house in the hope that doing so would change my life. My ever
understanding parents have even approved of it.
But when I went to Manila recently for a conference, I realized that there’s so much in life
that I can do. Sharon – my high school classmate who I became real close only after college
graduation, has always been a feel-good company. She’s not only the person I run
to when I’m around Manila but every time I’m with her, she never fails to remind
me that life isn’t so bad after all. Her easy and childlike disposition in life
(coupled with her “crazy” bf Sam) is contagious. Thanks for that Sha!
I am now back in Davao yet I still have Manila’s
influence on me – the kayod-kalabaw, beat-the-traffic, don’t-sleep lifestyle,
and even listening to Mo Twister’s morning radio show “Good Times with Mo”. I am
indeed revived. At my workplace, I was able to file every loose papers I long
wanted to file. The weekend, I rearranged my super cluttered room (brought by
my long hibernation) and finally closed the thought of moving out. Today, I
woke up early and was able to cover pretty much of our lessons in class. I was
early for work, fully made up, and wearing our new uniform which I love.
Life is indeed what we make it. I pray that I can sustain
this. If not, I will look forward to another travel.
By the way, there’s this new resto at SM called Turquoise
offering Turkish dishes. They really had Turkish cooks. I had Doner kebab and
it tastes strange yet yummy. I wanna try pita bread next time.
Currently loving: Sixpence None
the Richer’s Don’t Dream It’s Over, Chris Daughtry’s songs, Coldplay’s Viva la
Vida, Rihanna’s Take A Bow and Imagos’ songs celebrating God’s love like my
ever fave Sundo and Last Dance.
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