10.23.07
Posted in Uncategorized at 7:59 pm by khessa
Unexpected as it was but I was supposed to be happy that I am
finally welcoming new people in my life. I should be happy that I am finally putting
back together the shattered pieces, that I am now ready to bounce back from the
slump I was in.
But as I took my baby steps away from what was hurting me, I
found myself more lost than I was. I seek the familiar comforts of the bygone days,
even if those weren’t all perfect for me. It is indeed true that we may demand
perfection in our lives but we don’t necessarily live and breathe for it. Had
God made the world perfect, what is left for us to learn, what is there for us
to appreciate, what do we have to give when no one needs any at all, and what
is there to love.
We love not because one is perfect but because we accept and
understand. As I understand this, it all became clear to me …I still don’t
belong here…I still don’t belong anywhere.
Maybe someday, I
might find my place in this world but “at least for now, I gotta go my own way….”
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10.05.07
Posted in Uncategorized at 7:08 pm by khessa
Everything
is still lucid — how it began and how it ended. I thought life has equipped
me with the most agonizing of experiences to be tough…be untouchable…invulnerable.
But yesterday proved me wrong. I am still the same girl I was years ago –
faint-hearted, easily breaks down, comprehending only what is apparently
hurtful, seeing no more than the obvious repercussions.
We teach
ourselves to be more cautious — to keep the same mistakes from haunting us. We
tell ourselves that we are better, if not wiser, than before. But try as we
may, we cannot avoid looking back. We cannot turn away from reliving the very
things that have hurt us. Yes, we get by and we cope. We count on time to promise
healing…consolation…even that glint of hope that someday…somehow…things would be better. But most of the time, running away - from it all to nowhere, seems the easiest way out. No
matter what we choose to do, the only thing certain is that we are never the same again…we
are forever changed.
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