10.30.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 11:50 pm by khessa
It’s gonna be a holiday tomorrow that’s why I am trying as much to squeeze in more checks on my to-do list - office and outside. I have so much in mind - ideas and projects, and they are all good. It is just a lot of things hinder me from achieving them. It’s difficult working under the criticisms of people who think they are greater than anybody else. How I wish I have the confidence (and serenity) of those who think so highly of themselves and consider the rest as their inferiors. Di bale ng maturingang pinakamatalino sa mga bobo. At least, masaya ako. That’s not my case though. I grew up realizing - especially in school - that there are far more better-headed than me and it made me all the more cautious at committing errors. Dala ko yan hanggang ngayon. Praning ba! But at least, I acknowledge the fact that I still have a lot to learn and my feet are still on the ground na kahit ilang bagyo man ang dumaan, hindi ako lilipad. I am not a glass half-filled but half-empty. My dad told me that’s better than thinking that I know everything and has nothing left to learn. Maybe while you are reading this, you are now at the mercy of confusions. I’m thinking out loud so please don’t grammar check me. Naiinis lang ako na ika’y pinapakialaman. Why don’t they do their stuff while I do my own? Hindi naman siguro ganoon kaliit ang mundo para magsiksikan kami sa isang sulok. Hayy!
On a positive note, my one-week sembreak has officially started though I am still helping out Nikko in his cases. The poor guy still has to study for an exam - cover to cover. Wawa! But I don’t see it as a chore because I love doing stuffs for others, especially for him who has done much for me. I don’t have much planned naman. Wala ba? There’s only badminton games with friends, my landscaping efforts at home, the final design of the house I want built for me someday soon (courtesy of Ate Sonia who’s an Architect - walay bayad ha?), my dog scouting, and ironing of few stuffs at the office. Ang FEW na yan madami. Naku! Andami ko pa palang gagawin. How I wish sembreaks are longer because when school is back, I know, patay na naman ako.
Anyways, happy halloween everyone! Roads and cemeteries are gonna be crammed tomorrow. Ingat. I am craving for seafood now. Gotta go.
Permalink
10.09.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 1:31 am by khessa
I have always known that I am eccentric. There are a whole
lot of eccentricities in me than what meets the eye. But there are also perks for
being one. You get to feel feelings not just everyone get to feel. I am speaking
of late afternoons and how they make me differently special.
Late afternoons, especially near dusks, give me different
wonderful and not-so-wonderful feelings. Bittersweet, I might say. Before, when
I still didn’t have classes to rush to right after office, no one notices how I slip
quick into my room, open all the windows, and just lie down in my bed with lights
off. The calmness of the late afternoon suddenly envelopes me with different
emotions that only me knows. Most often, I’d feel longing for my childhood when
during late afternoons, after classes, my brother and I would rush to change
clothes to catch what is left of daylight. We then would proceed to this park
we both love and stay there until our lola calls for us to come home. I had
such a happy childhood that sometimes I’d wish that I never grew up.
At times, late afternoons come to me as those easy times in
the province where we used to live. Before 6 p.m., everyone in that place seemed to
be all settled at their homes, with all of the day’s chores done, and just
waiting for nighttime to come. Most of those times, I am at our huge window — just
staring and daydreaming until nighttime steals the light from daytime. The simplicity
and easy rhythm of life in the rural, which cities cannot give you even if you
are about to hit the sack, is an experience of a lifetime.
Late afternoons also mean to me as the pattering of the
raindrops outside my bedroom window while I try to stifle my sobs with my
pillow. Late afternoons had been witnesses to the shattering of my heart for it is only at these times when I could take off my happy mask after surviving another day at
work after losing someone whom you loved so much. Late afternoons is longing for
long lost love, love unrequited, love cheated.
Late afternoons do not however only spell gloom to me.
When you stare long at it, late afternoons become promises of a new day, promises of hope, as you are pretty
sure that when you get lucky, you would be able to see the sun again when it rises
the day after. It would be another day given to you to make amends, to correct
past errors, and to hope that someday, you will be able to smile again.
Permalink
