08.31.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 9:22 pm by khessa
I wanted to make writing as my
playground - blogging to be specific. But what always holds me back from
blogging is the judgment i would get from those who read my piece. Grammar can
be one source of insecurity. I remember how we were told during our Creative
Writing classes in college not to use English if we are not masters of it. Hah!
Maybe our teacher has a point but for someone who uses writing to vent pent up
emotions, it would be quite difficult and I’d need lots of practice before I can go public. But we cannot deny the fact that since blogging has become a
fad with less heed on language and is done as ordinarily as breathing, I guess I’d
have to let go off this delimiting thought. It’s time to let go of old truths,
get out of my box and gaze at writing as if it is my first time doing it.
If you are not that good in writing like me,
I am encouraging you also to try expressing your thoughts in here. It’s been a while that I’m reading blogs of my
friends and even those whom I don’t know and I tell you how fun it is getting a
glimpse of the way others think. I may have an advantage over you because I have been making
writing my outlet for a while but it is not coming up with the best write up
that we are after here. It is my wish to share with you the
satisfaction or relief I get whenever I can let out pent up emotions. Sometimes,
we need to unburden ourselves of whatever negative vibes we are holding back through writing for us to be able to live through life. Even at times when we are
overjoyed, we also have got to let this out and write it down so we can pass on the
blessing of positive emotion to others.
Just a piece of advice though and something I’m
resolving to do from now on: don’t ever try window-dressing your emotions by
writing something other than how you really feel at that moment just to impress
others. Don’t write something bright when in fact we are feeling down the drain.
Don’t write something sad to solicit other’s pity on you. Don’t think about
what others would say if you are writing something transcending the conventions
– whether the subject you are writing is out of this world or even bother about
your grammar and your use of syntax. Those would defeat the very purpose of writing
for expression. After all, nobody is free from error. Nobody is free from trouble.
We are all of the same kind.
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08.21.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 9:46 pm by khessa
"All
that ends well is well."
If
I am to gaze at how my life was few years or even just a few months ago, I can really
say how blessed I am to be where I am now. Looking back, it was a hell of a rollercoaster
ride in search for that happiness which, no matter how willing I was to even
bet my life on, remained elusive. I was like a little child– impatient, often complaining,
and stumbling on my way, seeking the warmth of a lost father. But despite
having to face all the imaginable pain there was, the good thing about that
chapter in my life was that I never stopped believing that things can only get
better, and there is no way for them to become their ugliest unless I allow it.
Now,
I can smile without having to be guilt-stricken that at the back of my mind,
there lurks emptiness. Now, I do not feel remorseful anymore that I have lost
people in the course of my search and some even became mortal enemies. At least
now I know who exactly are the people who care about me – like my family and
friends and the ones who stuck it out with me and I should not be wasting my
time anymore on those who through the test of time withered. Now, I get to
appreciate more those who came and kept coming into my life for they define who
I am now.
Yes,
life still continues to throw stones at me (I guess that’s how it really works)
but it is really way different from how it was and how I was before. Cliché as
it may sound but nothing is really constant in this life but change. I thought
that was a sad thing to ponder on before but now I think it is a blessing that
we are allowed to breathe in newness into our lives for this gives us balance
and power to amend old practices and old truths. Talking about getting out of
the box once in a while. =)
Hmm..I
used up my break time writing again instead of catching up with my readings for
school. Too much listening to the Beatles while on my computer isn’t a good
thing. But let me end this with a few lines of their Here Comes the Sun song,
which I am listening now. “Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces. Little
darling, it seems like years since it’s been here. Here comes the sun. Here
comes the sun. And I say it’s all right.”
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08.18.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 6:20 pm by khessa
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08.03.06
Posted in Uncategorized at 8:49 pm by khessa
Haven’t you tried doing a lot of things at
the same time and yet you feel like you are not doing anything at all? I am in
that state right now and I am wondering when I will be able to get over this.
Most of the time, I find myself scribbling much to-dos on my organizer and the
next day, I won’t even dare look at it. I wonder what is happening to me. It’s
like I intend to do a lot of things and yet I only end up sitting on them. I
thought it’s another of my hypo attacks so I decided to take several supplements a day but
still to no avail.
I may be just bored at life. Despite the
fact that I am juggling work and school together right now, I still feel the
same. Do I need another diversion like get my own ride and learn to drive so
that when I feel the blahs, I can easily get away? Do I need to get into a
serious relationship right now to feel glorious once more? Ha! The fun of it!
But even so heeding the clowns who want to be taken in seriously is something I
am unable to do right now. It’s because of the state I am in now – a state of
inaction and unknowing yet it is something that keeps me in a state of balance,
tranquillity, and peace.
Or maybe, I just have to grab the stylus
and get back to writing like what I am doing now to release my pent up
observation of the way I am handling and mishandling the things in my life now.
Or maybe, I am just plain bored and if you find yourself reading this stuff, you
might be hell bored as well.; )
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