03.19.06

puzzling puzzles

Posted in Uncategorized at 3:54 am by khessa

I often wondered at certain happenings in my life which, when given serious contemplation, seem senseless or foolish at all. Realizations such as these used to break me down and I was almost near the brink of succumbing again to the temptation when last Saturday, while I was assisting in the computer lessons at the office given for free to interested employees, I chanced upon KC’s (Concepcion) Kulit Co. article in PDI. I just love the girl because "despite" (I wanna use the word hehe) her looks, she has brains to boot. And oh, we have the same subjects, e.g. Writing and Criticism, when I was in college. Is she enrolled in a Creative Writing course? Well anyway, she mentioned about "not making premature incoherences on oppositions" and "not making black & white definitions for these will be wrong." I quite agree with her when she said that incoherences are like happenings in our lives that we find don’t seem to make sense at all. I had lots of these in my life and at some crazy points in time, I hastily created premature conclusions (or actions) just to end my misery. I’m also inclined to defining every happening in my life and I realized how wrong this is because I only ended up disappointed. After learning this lesson the hard way, I decided to let the dusts settle first before I make any premature actions. Must be the reason why I’m outta any romantic relationship for a moment. But two years already feels long now but on the other hand, I don’t wanna become peaceful with something so-so. I want the magic! I want the "highs". I know nothing is certain in this life. Maybe I will not understand for now the rationale behind this long wait. But definitely, I can always choose to be happy at wherever life leads me. There are indeed certain questions in life that only time will be able to answer. Still can wait to find the answers.^^ 3.7.06

03.06.06

my long wait in vain is over

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:26 pm by khessa

today, i woke up late because my bestfriend and i talked until the small hours in the morning. we talked about faith in God, love for people, and my lovelife. somebody broke my heart just a week ago. it was my bestfriend’s 2nd sleepover last night and it got me wondering if something is wrong with me that she had made herself too available lately. i really think that i’m okay. for the past years, i’ve mastered the art of maturely dealing with heartbreaks. no more crying buckets of tears, no more nightmares and begging.  when the news came out, i did not cry at all. i did not fall apart. in fact, it was more like a validation of my hunches that i felt relieved instead. now, i know where i’m going. now, i’m no longer stuck in the rut where i was for the past two months. i’m more efficient at work, in taking care of myself. i’m a better friend now because i have more time listening to what pains them than what used to pain me. i don’t sulk anymore. i’m becoming a better person. i think i got what i wanted in the first place — my long-sought closure. no regrets at all. i never felt sooo free. 3.2.06