10.29.05
Posted in Uncategorized at 8:28 am by khessa
If I am to talk with my inner self now, there are a lot of things I have to tell her.
I wanna tell her that I miss keeping in touch with her. The past few weeks have put me into many circumstances that severely tested my character and endurance as a person. And I feel more of them are coming my way and I have no other recourse but to keep a set of steady feet.
With a tinge of shame, I also wanna tell her that along the way I have hurt people to reach my goals. These were the ones who do not see things the way I do - people who cannot look beyond themselves and think for once the interests of others. I may sound so virtuous but I wanna let her know that my ideals are the ones that keep me afloat in this sea of ordeals. If I am to lose them by not fighting for them, I will eventually drown and die.
In addition, I wanna tell her that despite the trials that won’t cease coming, this is the life I wanted. It may look far from what I used to dream about but this kind of life I now have is the one - challenge-filled as it may seem, that best feeds her - my SOUL. If not for all the unexpected twists and turns it took, I wouldn’t be the person that I am proud of to be now. She wouldn’t be as HAPPY as she is now.
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10.19.05
Posted in Uncategorized at 7:20 am by khessa
It’s been loooong since the last time I blogged. Changes stormed in and events overtook me and the last thing I noticed, I could not catch up anymore in friendsterlandia. Yep, I moved in! I stopped my tabulas blogs because it’s kinda difficult for me now to check 2 sites (here and there) at one time. Huh, talk about multitasking which I feel I’m so good at. After years of practicing this art, I’m reaping all the benefits from it now that I’m at the front desk in the office. Can you talk with someone over the phone while sending out text messages on the computer and in between your phone conversation, you give this customer a smile to reassure her complaint is being given your time and attention? Round girl, you say! I thought I wasn’t superman…..Then after work, I go straight to this lil cafeteria I put together with friends. If I am not accounting sales, I’m either washing dishes or clearing out tables. Then at some point in time, I get to give customers their orders or get their payments. WELCOME TO KHESSA’S DAILY WAILINGS……I missed whining for quite some time now! Good thing, there is coffee, cola, a stick (at some real crazy times) to comfort me and this song which I have been loving for days (or was it eons?) now..
Here is Orange and Lemons’ HEAVEN KNOWS… officially mine and my officemates’ theme song (I never thought playing this song over and over can make them get to like it as well)……
There are times when I’m lying in my bed
How I bellow and cry from this stupid get
And my eyes are like windshields on a rainy day
Almost rubbed-out, swelling as I keep on
Digging my face in these cold hands of mine
Heaven knows how embittered I am
‘Cause this angel has flown away from me
Leaving me in drunken misery
I should have clipped her wings
And made her mine for all eternity
Now this angel has flown away from me
Thought I had the strength to set her free
I did what I did because I love her so
Will she ever find her way back home to me, ahh
I’m so tired, I feel like catching forty-winks
Being up all night in this elbow-room that puts me in a trance
Where hopes and dreams come true
Now, my lips are burning and my eyes are hurting
From these fumes I make, still I light another cigarette
Just to pass my time, oh, heaven knows how embittered I am
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10.03.05
Posted in Uncategorized at 3:03 am by khessa
I have always been hesitant to write for a column. First, it is because I feel columns give readers a sneak preview of your personal viewpoints. However, Atty. Roldan was excellent at convincing me to come out in the open. Second to my mom, she’s someone I can completely trust to check over my writing thus the offer didn’t sound like an impossible undertaking on my part.
However, the fear of running out of subjects to write about became my second stumbling block. Being a twentysomething, I felt like I had less to share. My mom though - for whom I will always be indebted for my writing – told me that I need not write like the President and instead make use of my age’s point of view. What my concerns are as a young adult and woman can be my column’s subject matter. Hence, I will be calling this column “Some Inklings.”
So what usually troubles a twentysomething? If Shakespeare referred to adolescence as the “salad days” or the time of youth and inexperience, twentysomething is the time when we begin to gain experiences. First job, first paycheck, first business venture and many other firsts. Through our hard-earned salaries, we also get to travel to places we only wished to go to before without having to beg for moolah from our parents. We can now also buy the books we only thumbed through at National Book Store when we were in college. Aside from making up for these past unmet desires, this is also the time when we feel we have more freedom. We feel we are not tied down to any person, place, or job. Options are screaming for us to take.
Twentysomething is not always a good time though. Being caught in between adolescence and maturity (mostly at the ages 30 and up), twentysomething years feel like being in the middle of a pandemonium. According to an article entitled “If the Splice is Right” by Tammy Cohen, we experience more personal growth in our 20s than in any other decade of our adult lives. This is an extension of adolescence, when we develop a circle of individuality and somehow, it’s a person’s only chance to be rightfully selfish and self-indulgent.” According to her, this is also the time for experimentation and elimination, when we get the chance to find out who we are and what we are about.
Being a likeminded twentysomething, I feel like I have all the time in the world to myself. Being mostly unmarried and childless, this is the time when serious contemplation on existential questions such as “Who am I?” and “What am I here for?” is made. When we notice that most of our friends are marrying off, we also begin to question our singleness, which seems like the plague in a family-oriented country. If you are in my age group, people begin to ask you when you are getting married. When they find you are not dating, their jaws would drop in disbelief as if it is the most unnatural thing in this world.
Staying single or not is one of the many choices a twentysomething can make. In the same article by Cohen, Dr. Valeri Lamont – a counseling psychologist said, "If you stay single until your late 20s, you’ve developed as a full individual.” Marrying early therefore stunts someone’s growth as an independent person. When someone marries without actualizing yet his/her own independent self, this stunted individuality can overlap with the other person’s (the husband or wife) individuality. So while the two work at their identity as a couple, one is still left behind figuring out his/her own identity, which becomes a struggle affecting their marriage. Early marriage makes you lose enough experiences in life to help you appreciate the person you are with. A wife who missed out having to work in an office due to childcare may not understand the demanding work schedule of her husband. A husband who missed out leisure time due to early paternal responsibilities may not understand his wife’s disapproval on his late night outs.
Of course, there are young couples who tied the knot at a young age are sailing well in their marriage. But I bet, many parents will agree when I urge my fellow members of this twentys fellowship to see this time as our only chance to be rightfully selfish and self-indulgent – to enjoy our freedom, to take time figuring out who we are and what we want out of this life, to have fun and have a blast. (from my column)
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Posted in Uncategorized at 3:01 am by khessa
I know I talked about a twentysomething’s existential dilemmas in my previous article. This time, given the task to represent the youth, I still want to talk about what another of the many confusions the twentysomething singles deal with. Marriage, that is.
Are you one of those so caught up in dreaming about marriage? Do you spend most of your time fussing about dating or go hunting for Mr. & Ms. Right? Even if early marriage is not agreeable to many, marriage is also inevitable when you reach this age. Proofs? You receive your friends’ wedding invitations, you see your high school classmate fetching her daughter at a pre-school, your mom talks you around to seriously date, and you got friends who love to play matchmaking games. What seemed to be unimaginable to you in the past has become a glaring reality now.
Even if marriage may not be your priority by this time, it is in the mind of those around you. When you reach this age, marriage is no longer impossible. But whether you date or get married someday is not the end all and be all. It is not the answer. It should not be your goal. Where you must direct your attention is on what you do while you wait for Mr. & Ms. Right.
Hustle while you wait was what Joshua Harris advised in his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. For him, finding the right life partner is a matter of working to become the right life partner and trusting God to cover the "who" and "when" issues in our lives.
True enough, God gave us gifts and talents, which He expects us to use wisely. While we do not know whom or when we will marry, we must not allow this to stop us from doing the works we have to do now using our gifts. We have bad habits to get rid off, good character to develop, and life to make the most out of with. These are just some of the preparations we have to do for this next season in our lives.
In Chapter 12 of the same book, Harris instructs that we should take stock of our current attitude. He said that we must redeem the time God gave us and not neglect our present responsibilities as a son, daughter, brother, sister or friend. He adds that we cannot ignore our current responsibilities and expect to magically gain the strength of character that will make us good husbands and wives. If we are not faithful then in performing these responsibilities now, how can we be faithful in pursuing our responsibilities in marriage later?
The following are some of what we can do, which I Kissed Dating Goodbye proposes, in order for us to prepare for later greater responsibilities whether in marriage or not:
1. Practice intimacy in other committed non-romantic relationships starting with our families. Instead of retreating to our bedroom after dinner, we may hang around and talk with them. Through this, we can invite them to our lives.
2. Practice seeking God with others. This is knowing God with others. In marriage, we have to coordinate two spiritual lives. Harris puts it that each of us must develop a dynamic, growing, personal relationship with first God before we can put this in tune with our partner’s spiritual life. We can practice this now by developing this habit with our family and friends.
3. Practice financial responsibility. Because singles don’t have as many responsibilities as the married ones, we develop poor habits of spending. We therefore must learn to mange our money responsibly. If we know this before entering into marriage, we will lessen then the chances of making wrong decisions with our finances that will jeopardize marriage. Budget, save, and know how to earn it.
4. Practice parenthood. Since this is the main role married couples take part in, invest your time in children now. Child rearing is not only about spending time with them so also practice directing the children around you now toward godliness. Also observe good parents – like your own parents or those ideal parents you see, in action. Your study will surely pay off someday.
5. Practice practical life skills. There are many of us who wish to get married soon but oversee the fact that we have to match this with practical life skills, such as cleaning the house, cooking, and all those chores. While waiting for marriage, take over the maintenance of your house, shopping, planning menus and cooking. Although these are not glamorous tasks, they are an important part of managing a household.
Harris ended the chapter with a suggestion on adding other ways to prepare for marriage for as long as we use this to glorify God’s name. Although marriage is still optional, honing ourselves to be the best that we can be is not. Even if we decide not to marry in the end, we can develop our characters so we can become useful to others.
Whatever our calling will be in the future, let us enjoy this season of singleness as a gift from Him. After all, singleness brings opportunities in life that may never come around again. (from my column)
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