07.31.05

Freedom for Elmo

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:24 pm by khessa

There was a time in my life when Elmo ceased to be just the red muppet monster I saw as a child at Sesame Street.

When I first saw him out of the bag he was in upon delivery, he was like the newborn child whose sight most mommies attest made them forget the birthing pains they went through. In my case, I forgot how painful celebrating Valentine’s Day apart from someone so dear.

Whenever I heard good news about this someone, Elmo was with me, making out his famous wide smile as if he were also celebrating my joy. He was a constant companion in my waking hours and more so when I slept for he helped me weave dreams only the two of us knew.

But my happy times were not yet there to stay. When my optimism could no longer hold what I believed I could keep for life, Elmo was there as my comforter. His stuffed body helped stifle my cries. He dried up all the tears I could shed. But instead of giving him the credit, there was a long time in my life that I just let him sit at the foot of my bed. He was unhugged, uncared for, unnoticed. No matter how his woeful eyes stared at me, I never touched him.

Early this year though - four years after I got Elmo as a gift, I heard a news from his giver. He had come home. Not with his gf but with his two kids. Hearing him to have had a gf before left me undaunted but kids are little angels whom you could only give way in sweet surrender. And true enough, their little wings gave me the freedom I long prayed for. Freedom from a long lost love I tried holding on to. Freedom for Elmo from being the remembrance of a hurtful past.

Elmo is back to his old furry red self.
His orange nose, googly eyes, wide smile meant nothing more
but the muppet monster I saw as a child at Sesame Street.

I am back.
I am reborn.
In fact, I only look forward now for better days ahead.
I smile at the possibility of meeting someone far better than him.
I delight in the truth that life can always take us by surprise and in the hope that it can bring back in hundredfold the ones we lost.

I have talked too much. Must be due to my flu that has made me bed-bound for a day. Bed rest and Boys II Men is never a good combination. I wonder why they still play that on the radio.

07.29.05

Of Crying Spells and Writing Droughts

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:11 am by khessa

I have not practiced my skill in whining for a long time. I have tried hard to get rid of it among with my other negative habits. And I must say, I was successful for a considerable period of time. But then, I wasn’t writing that much as well. I haven’t written a new entry in my Tabulas account. I haven’t passed yet my long overdue article for this weekly newspaper I write for. I haven’t even jotted down my thoughts in small pieces of paper which I often do before.

I realized how much dependent I was on writing in appeasing the upheavals in my heart and mind. It’s like I’ve been using it as vent to keep my convictions, values, my sanity. If I stop whining, can I continue to keep my peace?

Just a thought I should ponder more on….=)

On a good note, even if I wasn’t writing, I was able to do lotsa other things I believe I should do. I have made progress in my editing duty with my friend’s book. Yep! I’m editing a book now. I’m no longer for school papers, corporate newsletters and annual reports only. =) It has 9 chapters and I’m still in the 2nd chapter. Hu-hu-hu! I’m not CoMpLaInInG!!!!!

I was also able to read By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. It was a good read! (My point of reference is that it made me cRy again like all the other good books i read. Wish to read more Paulo Coelho books.

I was also able to watch last night another lovely Korean movie - The Classic. Another of the best movies I’ve seen. Why I said so??? Because it made me cry as well like how I cried with My Sassy Girl and Windstruck.

I really have a problem with crying. I can cry at the least provocation. Once, while reading a good book and crying at the same time, i texted a close friend cum spiritual adviser, and told him that maybe God willed that I should not be married yet because my husband might think that I’m crazy for crying over a good movie or a book. =) lol. At least i can still put humor at my sentimentality.