04.28.05
Posted in Uncategorized at 11:50 pm by khessa
An old friend of mine, Macky (Pamintuan), congratulated me for having finished my master’s studies, which he said he saw at my tabulas account. I was HORRIFIED !!! Mac was one of the classmates I had back in my Creative Writing days in UP whom I was (and still am) apprehensive to show my writings. He is one of the many writers whom I admire because the creative juices don’t seem to stop flowing from his head. And I envy him for that.
But my horror was coupled with DIGNITY. It is still because of the abovementioned reason. In his message he admitted frequenting my page at tabulas. He wrote it’s because he finds my writing lingaw (amusing).
DISBELIEF became my third feeling. In all honesty, I don’t see my writings lingaw. I see them more as vents to my venomous emotions. And Macky telling me otherwise is a huge compliment on my part, eliciting disbelief.
But my hunt for optimism these days prompts me to keep feeling number 2 among all the feelings Mac triggered today. However, my negativity is not yet giving up on me and is now nudging me to suffer the feeling of DEPRIVATION of a friend I sorely miss, who is Macky.
Bwehehehehe…….I can already picture Macky laughing at this piece of trash. But seriously, I miss having to see that big-eared (hyperbole) guy (“daga” or mouse as I would call him). I miss having to pull a trick or two on him. I miss having to bug and beg him like a “bata” (child, as how he’d call me) to draw something nice for me. If I had known that those times (and UP times in general) would be difficult to find again, I should have stared at the faces longer, and pulled the tricks and begged with more gusto. But positivity calls me to see more of the good memories than wallow over the fact that those times are gone now. Hereunder are my GREAT MAC MOMENTS:
* Ride on his Terrano (that was in 1996) and wonder who those guys were who kept on following us wherever we went (Ahh, bodyguards!)
* See for myself how it is like to treat one big hotel like his home. Their fam owned one in Davao City (“Let’s drop by at the hotel. I forgot something….(my baon?)”
* Feel proud with him to be among the firsts in UP. He was the first president and I the E-I-C (kuno) and we belonged to the same block.
* And of course, listen to his promise to build a swimming pool in UP if he wins president….(some promise, huh!)
* Share with him who my crush was and glare at him when he once attempted to tease me around the guy
* Getting a pencil case from him for our block exchange gift when I told him I wanted Alanis’ album (Kim – his alter ego cum cousin had to give his own tape to me to shush their “bata” blockmate)
* Learned to love Bono because he adores him
* Pulled down his (boxer) shorts with other equally sira ulo girls guffawing at the sight
*Feed on his (diet) gummy worms baon (or Kim’s?)
*Take pic of him while he was sleeping (and snoring???)
* Getting the embarrassment when he bought G-string for MM, his kringle, and pointed at me when he was asked by the saleslady who it was for
* Dress him up for the Mistress of the Dorm (UP Mindanao’s Beauty Pageant for cold-blooded men) and seeing him teary eyed while his eyes were made up
* Not being invited to his wedding because, according to him, he had no way of reaching me(when I was 24/7 reachable through friendster)
Isn’t he some great friend?
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04.25.05
Posted in Uncategorized at 9:18 pm by khessa
I’m back and kicking again! There had been a few issues about myself, which I had to deal with, hence, the need for another of my so-called “isolation.” I have been doing this for quite a time now. Whenever I feel the blahs and the yearning for self-renewal, isolation becomes my refuge and eventually my source of power. With life’s harshness and probably my self-imposed pressures, it’s a gift on my part that I am able to put all the negative vibes to a halt and crawl back to my shell.
What I did during my hibernation was take a boyfriend break. The awful fight we had two weeks ago was a blessing in disguise on my part because I was able to ponder on lotsa things. A week later, we were able to patch things up and are now trying to pick up the pieces and move on again. Yes, the road still hazy but at least we are giving this our best shots.
I was also able to do my favorite and enlightening activity during my break – reading, that is. I’ve read quite a few books lately and they have helped me in my aim for self-reinvention. The following are excerpts from all the books I’ve come to open the last few weeks:
1. “Some parts of me may turn out to be unfitting. I can discard that which is unfitting and keep that which proved fitting and invent something new for which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, to make sense and order out of the world and the things outside of me. I own me and therefore I can engineer me. I am me and I am okay.” (Chicken Soup for the Soul)
2. “There are no random acts….We are all connected….You can no more separate one life from another….All lives intersect….Death doesn’t just take someone, it misses someone else, and in a small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed….One withers, another grows….Birth and death are part of a whole….Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know.” (The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Mitch Albom)
3. “Sacrifice is part of life. It is not something to regret but to aspire. When you sacrifice something precious, you’re not really losing it. You’re just passing it on to someone else.” (The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Mitch Albom)
4. “Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside….We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade and the harm we de, we do to ourselves.” (The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Mitch Albom)
5. “Loves takes many forms and it is never the same for any man and woman.…Love, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy. But sometimes, under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to its roots, keeping itself alive….Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food…but when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner.…Life has to end. Love doesn’t.” (The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Mitch Albom)
6. Each life has a purpose. For Eddie in the story, he kept children safe at the Ruby Pier. (The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Mitch Albom)
7. “Do you want to have God continue to be bountiful with you? Then thank and praise Him for the things which you now have as well as the THINGS WHICH YOU HOPE TO GET. In the same way, when you praise God and thank Him for what you have – when you are thankful to Him for what you have, no matter how small, He will increase that mite.” (All Things are Possible, Life-Study Fellowship)
8. “Real, heartfelt thanks is more than just saying a prayer of thanksgiving to our Father. It always lead to action….Be so thankful to God for what He has given and will give that you will be brave enough and strong enough to share.” (All Things are Possible, Life-Study Fellowship)
I used to wake up as if I’m in a scene of a black and white movie. Instead of thanking Him for another day, I’d feel heavy-hearted that I was yet to face another of my dismal days. Admittedly, I was selfish and ungrateful. It took me several leafing through the pages to realize that feeling that way was a sin itself. And the power is within me to stop it.
After my hibernation, I no longer prayed. Imploring Him to give me this and that ceased. Instead, every night, before sleeping, I would already thank Him for the wonderful day He would give me the day after. And it does wonder to make my next day indeed wonderful.
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04.19.05
Posted in Uncategorized at 10:09 pm by khessa
I finally did something about my low active physical makeup. I used to complain to my mom about not having sufficient energy to do ALL the things I’d like to accomplish. But since the last two weeks, I began making few changes and they are:
1. Eating Breakfast
Since UP days, I was accustomed to taking BRUNCHES (Breakfast cum Lunch) at 10 or sometimes 11 in the a.m. But when I started working, I found myself lacking the energy and "patience" to stand the early morning rush at the office.
2. Drinking Ovaltine Pro-Active
It has helped boost my energy level. I never thought choco drinks could be this yummy and health-giving at the same time.
3. Taking vitamins and supplements
I had rashes three weeks ago. When I finally had the chance to squeeze in my sked a visit to my derma last week, she prescribed to me med for my rashes and skin vitamins too. I am not sure if Vitamins A, C, and E can likewise rev up energy but sure, these make wonders to my health these days.
4. Sleeping earlier
I have always known that best sleeps are those made before midnight but because of my addiction to some PC game the past few months, I neglected this rule and started sapping away precious energy that I could use the next work day. Since I have gotten over with my addiction and begun taking control, I finally don’t feel like dozing anymore in the office.
My last few weeks were indeed great. My rashes are gone (thanks to Dra. Rowena Padilla-Evangelista), ee and I are back, I get to do more things at work and even after office, and I feel that great days are here to stay. I hope everyone’s having a grand time, like I do.
Ciao!
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